Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A Message From The Therapist

Mr. Therapist called me to ask if I could post a short note to let you know his blogging will sporadic for a while.

Why, you ask?


Just kidding. He's having a problem with his PC at home (*cough*DISK CRASH*cough*), and he'll be forced to blog from one of many undisclosed locations for the foreseeable future.

So, he's decided to become a hobo blogger, ridin' the rails from coast to coast, jumping off at the occasional whistle-stop to post to his blog from the comfort of a small-town Internet cafe.

Ok, I made that up. The part about him becoming a hobo blogger, I mean. He really is having computer problems.

[Posted by John from WuzzaDem]

Friday, November 25, 2005

Sorry So Short

The season has me locked down. I promise, I may actually post something funny come the mornin' . . .

Thursday, November 24, 2005

I’m Thankful For Dean Martin

Tomorrow at 5:00 AM, It will be four months to the day that I lost my father to cancer. I had a feeling last Thanksgiving, that I was looking at my dad across the holiday table for the last time.

I was right.

Due to some employment constraints on my part, as well, as some plain old logistical difficulty, we decided to have Thanksgiving dinner on Monday evening. Everything was normal overall, with the addition of an emotional assent to how much we all wished dad were here one last time. My dad was a restless soul, and my wife’s observations about his absence on one of the holiday deficits that will now be the most obvious: that wherever my dad was on Thanksgiving, he always managed to be wandering around the kitchen, chatting with whomever was cooking, and just plain getting in the way in the fashion that loveable old lugs manage to do so well.

How I would have paid millions to have my dad holding up the wheels of culinary progress, forcing my wife to jokingly threaten to run him over one last time. How I would have also paid millions, if it would have at least enshrouded the incremental knots of pain in my mother’s face, as the holiday realizations washed over the clock—all without my father—her husband. And no amount of ambient room chatter was going to change it.

I started thinking about the last two days in my father’s life. Those memories—the one’s where family members became strangers, enemies, and opaque silhouettes—The one’s that recall the fear of falling, the contortions of pain—believe it or not, still have some high points.

I arrived out at the house, and to his deathbed. The medications, along with his metabolic breakdowns had cajoled an otherwise meek man into a sometimes-belligerent stranger. I remember distinctly two conversations I had with him. The first was a bit adversarial—to start.

“Dad, I’m here.”

Dad looks over at me, gives me a once over, and says “so what?”

“Dad, you’re little granddaughters are here.”

“I don’t care,” said my dad, looking away in disgust.

Right about then, my four year old—one of two apples in my father’s eye, ran into the room with that hapless, four-year-old lack of understanding at the impending gravity. I picked her up, and held her over him, so that he was forced to see her.

“Oh yeah, Captain Belligerent? Try being mean to THIS.”

I watched dad, as the realization that Clara was there at Grandpa’s side. I watched as he forced his demeanor, focus, and grandfatherly adoration through the unwieldy veil that had hidden the rest of him from the rest of us.

“Hi Clara,” he said, through the most painful smile ever forged upon that face. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. My daughter made cancer take a back seat, if only for a moment.

As dad inched ever-closer to the precipice, his coherence, ability to communicate, and humanity started to fade. I wanted to speak with my dad one last time about his soul, so that I could again pray with, for, and about him. The in-home hospice visitors said he no longer knew where he was.

I looked straight into my father’s face. His eyes fixed on mine. I thought I saw a momentary window of clarity come across those pupils, and so I silently prayed for a sign that he knew it was me.

“Dad,” I said. “I’m here.”

Dad had this way of nodding with only his eyes, and I was certain I had just seen him do it. The room was calm, and mom had kept the room calmly brimming with familiarity—to include my father’s favorite music lightly playing in the background.

“Dad, “ I said grabbing his hand. “I’m only going to ask you to extend yourself one last time. I just need to know that you know this is Ron talking. If you know it’s me, please squeeze my hand.”

He immediately squeezed with a force that astonished me.

“Okay dad. One more thing,” I said, as he locked his eyes on mine. “I’ve got one more question. After that, I just want you to pray with me in your mind.” I nodded over to the cassette player at the foot of the bed.

“Who’s playing on that radio right now?” I asked him.

With all the accompanying pain, dad struggled to put those parched lips together. I couldn’t believe he’d actually pull it off.

“Dean Martin,” he said.

I almost passed out.

I knew then, that dad and I could talk, even if it was only me doing the talking for our last conversation. Those were his last words to me. We had already exchanged our “I love you’s” earlier. And yet nothing in that transcended the sheer force I felt when I heard the man who brought me into this world fight one last time to converse with me as he left it.

You bet I am thankful. Thankful for Dean Martin.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


Thanks for the help.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Need Your Help

The other night I was cruising around the Blogosphere, when I accidentally clicked something that made the fonts on my browser HUGE.

I need to know how to fix it. My main problem is, is that it persists only on certain sites. in other words, when I go to my blog, or to Drudge, the page looks clubby and overblown, like a Reader's Digest large print volume. When I got to Michelle Malkin or ABC News, it's normal.

Any ideas?

Monday, November 21, 2005

"Celebrating" My 1st Blog Birthday Today

I really had no idea, that when I started this thing, that I would really ever actually see it through an entire year. And I really never thought that I'd ever actually see any traffic from some of the biggies in BlogLand.

Yet I've done both. My archives are totally distended with entries. I have managed to break the "more-than-one-a-day" average as well.

But what exactly have I accomplished? I have yet to figure that one out. But I will say this to the three-hundred faithful that have managed to tread the waters of my whining and cyber-suicidal turns: Thank you for reading.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

NEWSWEEK Enlightens Yet Again

Guess what? I just found out that the reason you out a "covert" agent is what makes it a crime.

Just look and see how Newsweek is readying the lexicon for an immediate and hasty reworking of what constitutes an insidious crime.

In short: If a liberal "gossips" classified information, it is "much ado about nothing." If a conservative does, than Hell will enlarge herself.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Dems Call For Drastic Increase In Slammable Troops

Washington--Stung by what they call a "stunt"in the US House of Representatives, key democrats are now calling for a "dramatic increase" in the number of slammable troops deployed to the middle east in the war on terror.

"We are not going to just passively accept this legislative routing," said one key democrat. "If we're going ultimately demand that America cut and run, then we want to make sure such egress is supported and fortified with as many of our fighting forces as possible."

The House voted 403-3 yesterday, against a non-binding resolution that called for the immediate removal of troops from Iraq. Many in democratic circles claim the vote's stringent language "forced them to reiterate their previous support for the war," and were outraged.

"That is why I am calling for our boots on the ground to be tripled," said rep. John Murtha (D, Penn.), "We can, and we will, show the world that we have the ability to surrender on two major fronts when we need to.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Dems Who Twice Confirmed Alito Previously Now Cite Own Support As "Extraordinary Circumstance"

Dodd, Lieberman, Biden, Inouye, Harkin, Sarbanes, Mikulski, Kennedy, Kerry, Levin, Baucus, Reid, Lautenberg, Bingaman, Conrad, Leahy, Byrd, Rockefeller, and Kohl say ealier unanimous votes "big mistake"

Alito: back-to-back, 100-0
confirmations could be his undoing

Washington--As the political donnybrooking over the nomination of Judge Samuel Alito to the US Supreme Court heats up, many senate democrats feel their only and best defense against the nominee is their unanimous support for him on two previous occasions.

Alito was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to serve as U.S. Attorney for the District of New Jersey, as well as unanimously confirmed by voice vote by the U.S. Senate for the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit. There was no debate, and the vote for the latter position lasted only fifteen minutes. Experts say this kind of unanimity bodes badly for the nominee.

"The chances of the Democrats even acknowledging their earlier votes is all but non-existent," said one democratic insider. "We all know that new positions rule the day in spite of previous support."

Massachusetts Senator, Ted Kennedy indicated he has "reservations" about the nominee, says his previously-documented praise for the nominee was "spoken during a period of time when I was not under the influence of mind-altering booze."

Eighteen other extant democratic legislators, Dodd, Lieberman, Biden, Inouye, Harkin, Sarbanes, Mikulski, Kerry, Levin, Baucus, Reid, Lautenberg, Bingaman, Conrad, Leahy, Byrd, Rockefeller, and Kohl, were a part of the original unanimous votes, today reassured their constituents that they would not "ever again allow themselves to vote twice for someone whose ideas are so far outside of the mainstream."

"Many believe Kerry should be the rapier thrust that send the "gang of nineteen" to head this nomination off at the pass," said one key democrat. "At least he'll be able to say 'yes, I voted--twice--for Judge Alito. Now I'm going to vote against him. "'

The nineteen democrats are expected to use their previous support to engender grassroots opposition to Alito.

"This is an extraordinary circumstance," said one senator. "We supported him. And now it's time to throw down the gauntlet and make Mr. Alito answer for that support."

China To Declare Martial Law In Event Of Flu Outbreak

Freedoms to be 'severely restricted," say communists

Bejing--Citing "necessity over conveninece" the People's Republic of China announced today that they are prepared to enact "intrusive measures" in the evnt that the viral strain H5N1, also known as the Avian flu, should mutate and become contagious on a human to human level.

"We are not prepared to take this situation lightly," said one representative of Bejing. "We understand that the potential transfer of this virus will come from human contact in places like . . . churches."

Bejing said that they are "prepared" to restrict freedoms "in an almost totalitarian way" to prevent the H5N1 virus from achieving spread potential.

"The primary technique for this is to run people over with tanks," said one official. "This usually quells outbreaks of any kind. We are not preprared to deviate from our previous successes."

Since Liberals Are So Concerned About Secret Prisons

They ought to be incensed about the North Korean murder of Christians. Oh Wait, I forgot. The death of innocent Christians is funny to the left.

WARNING: This story is very graphic.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

SmashMouth Is So Much More Effective When You have The Facts On Your Side

Vice President Dick Cheney Just lit up their doors. I'd be wearing two-ply undies if I were them.

Bring it on, deviants.

People Who Want To Harm Bush Presidency Concerned Karl Rove Harming Bush Presidency

Say unindicted status a "political millstone"

Washington--Leading pundits in the beltway, most of whom would like to see President Bush's presidency brought down, are now registering concerns that Bush's agenda may be hindered by the continued presence of Karl Rove.

Rove is Bush's leading strategist, and is considered by many to be perhaps the most brilliant one since the advent of the late Lee Atwater. His most recent public involvements include the CIA leak probe, in which Rove was rendered unindicted by Special Prosecutor, Patrick Fitzgerald. Critics of the administration say it is the exculpatory nature of the non-charges against Rove that make him "politically radioactive."

"In the name of the character and honesty we've always said Bush didn't have," Bush should let him go," said ABC News Correspondent, Terry Moran. "To concede to uncharged allegations is where a true statesman would lay his credibility."

Others say that Rove could "virtually destroy" any and all respect for America in the world "we have tirelessly tried to undermine ourselves."

"He should do what's best for the country, and lose Rove," said one Washington insider. "It's extremely cavalier and callous, to just go about not firing people not indicted of anything."

Your Vote Could Change My Life

The Weblobg awards are up for nominations here. If you want to be inspired to vote for this blog, look in the the archives. There was a day when I was good at this.

And to think my first blog-birthday is five days away . . .

Guest Blogging At Michelle Malkin's

Is what other people are doing.

But I could do a swell job if she'd ever ask me. Honest and for true. I could even subjugate my hubris and tactless manner with research, facts, and live linkage. I can turn an honest phrase if I have to.

I'll wait for the phone to ring. She ought to come calling real fast now.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Because The French Deserve It

I thought I'd just go ahead and link an archival boiling-down of all my joyous French-bashing. I love knocking them almost as much as I like knocking Islamic squirrel-baits:

France Unveils "Easier-to-Hit" Super Plane

France Issues Premptive Surrender As German Jobless Rate Hits 12.6%

France Loses Bid To Host Next Tour De France

France Passes Emergency Mandatory Turban Law

Chirac Turns Up Heat By Banning Rioters From French Airspace

Enjoy them if you have not yead plodded that far back in the archives.

Yeah, I know. I wouldn't bother, either.

Poll: Most Americans Believe Ibuprofen Posed Imminent Threat To Inflammation When Clinton Bombed Sudan

Mortally-wounded night janitor prevented from 9/11 involvements through executive resolve

Washington--As his criticism of President Bush surges in the polls, other data shows an increasing faith in former President Clinton's belief that that Sudanese Ibuprofen posed an "imminent threat" to inflammation, and that his decision to bomb the pharmaceutical plant the same day of Monica Lewinky's grand jury testimony was "pure leadership."

Many also see the mortal wounding of a lone night janitor inside the plant as a "decapitative tactical maneuver," which could have possibly lessened the effects of the attacks on September 11th, 2001, by preventing his involvements with the conspiracy, should he have ever met the masterminds behind the plot.

A Washington Journal/New York Searchlight poll indicates that most Americans (63%) believe the grand jury investigations into the president were "attempts to undermine a wartime president," during the few minutes that Mr. Clinton was attacking the Ibuprofen with 13 cruise missiles.

The poll also indicates that most believe (73%) that Mr. Bush "deliberately manipulated" intelligence that, not only attempts to downplay the effects of anti-inflammatory medication, but also sought to do it against the backdrop of weapons-grade plutonium found in Iraq.

"This is called the politics of contrast," said on political expert. "This president, by not cheating on his wife, clears the way for all the required machinations needed to make the case for war. The American people are going to sit by and allow Mr. Bush to rid the world of global terrorism protracted to destroy Israel and the United States while allowing anti-diarrhea medication to slip across our borders unfettered. These polls show just that."

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Én Nem Magyar

Írásomról részére ma lesz kizárólagosan Magyar. miért Én csinálás ez részére az én -m jó barát , Róbert , ki említett Magyar -ban előző írás. Ez volt ingyenes.

Ő prédikál víz , de iszik bor.

Nem szabad tud ez ; egy macska ez minden megüt -val egy kalapács akarat általában pislogás.

Yes, I'm A Bit Angry

A few of you have reacted and either implied that I seem angry, or just plain know it.

I guess I'm just a bit hot headed. I mean when your own party's "Main Street Republicans" are being subsidized by George Soros, that should just make me happy, right?

Give me a break, people. If there was ever a time to be angry, it's now. Unless you want that subversive Bolshevik buying all of our congressmen.

Don't worry. I'll be funny again.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I Am Supporting The Democratic Challengers To:

  • Rep. Charlie Bass (R-NH)
  • Rep. Mark Kirk (R-IL)
  • Rep. Jim Walsh (R-NY)
  • Rep. Joe Schwarz (R-MI)

Along with any sentient turd that may challenge Denny Hastert. These people need to go away with all speed, and I no longer care if they are replaced with blatant communists. I'd rather have my tax money going to an out and out slut than subsidizing whores.

They might have spared ANWR, but they certainly have a glint when it comes to us.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Bush's Unpopularity Cited In Stunning Incumbent Takeover

Bush-snubbing Schwarzeneggar's proposition losses deemed politically damaging to Bush

Washington—As democrats seized control of two gubernatorial seats previously held by democrats, many see a "sea change," poised to roll over the Republicans in the 2006 mid-term elections.

"Whenever you see democrats holding on to a democratic seat, that can literally be interpreted as a net retention of that seat," said one political expert. "This moment in time could literally go down in history as an incumbent revolution."

In California, where governor Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s ballot-measures fell to unanimous defeat, things are not looking well for Bush.

"This is particularly thin ice for Bush," said one expert. "Here you have a liberal Republican who snubs Bush during the most recent opportunity for public contact. Defeat for the Governor can only be seen as a referendum on Bush."

Others say that Republican victories, such as Mayor Mike Bloomberg's landslide in New York, are also harbingers of sorrow for Bush.

"This can be a bit complicated to the laity," said one expert. "But whenever you see a major political landslide for a Republican inside the major metropolitan apex of a blue state, it just augurs ill for that party nationwide. Bloomberg's touchdown against the home team now will result in a game loss ultimately."

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Je Commercerai L'Huile Pour L'Eau (Will Trade Oil For Water)

Par Jacques Chirac,
Auteur D'Invité

Je parle en faveur avec vous. Cessez de me forcer à mouiller mon pantalon. Je ferai n'importe quoi que vous voulez, si vous pouvez remettre l'attention sur George Bush.

Oooh ! Regard là-bas ! Beaucoup causant de Libby de Scooter de problèmes pour Bush ! Voyez ? La popularité de Bush dans les scrutins chute !

Si vous avez une certaine eau, mettez-svp la sur tous les feux. Je vous donnerai l'huile pour elle. Pétrole et argent qui j'ai obtenu de Saddam Hussein.

Je refuse de me rendre avant vendredi.

UPDATE: If you really want to know what this says, go here and translate it.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Chirac Turns Up Heat By Banning Rioters From French Airspace

Declares Louvre a "hate free zone"

French president, Jacques Chirac, addresses the people of France.
Chirac attempted to reassure the French people that he was prepared
to "not take much more rioting."

Paris—As Muslim rioters continue to expand into a 13th day of destruction, French President Jacques Chirac dealt a crippling blow to the insurgency by banning all destructive forces from utilizing French air space.

"I am not going to sit by and allow these thugs to eventually learn to fly aircraft in a few years, and then use those planes to annihilate the Parisian way of life,” said Chirac in a televised speech. “I have my administrative aide here with the curfew football codes as well. I will use them if pushed.”

Chirac was also conspicuously adorned in a headscarf indigeonous to Muslim women.

Chirac also said that anyone thinking of torching the priceless works in the Louvre had “a surprise awaiting them.”

“I’ve declared an institution of national pride off limits to hate,” he said. “I have tapped into our reserves of oleoresin capsicum pepper-spray, and we will defend it.”

Critics say that executive orders restricting airspace will only anger Muslims with completed flight training.

“Aeronautical elitism will only be used as a recruitment tool,” said one administration critic. “If I were Chirac right now, I’d be doing more than donning that headscarf. I'd also be inking up the armistice pen, because surrender is our only chance of victory.”

Light Blogging--Yet Again

I have to admit it. I have deliberately stayed away from the news lately.

I think it healthy to sometimes place ones head in the sands of haitus. Right now is one of those times for me. Despite the fact that the media is on the run, their continual negativity and manaical bloodlust to bring down a wartime President makes me physically ill.

I'll be posting intermittently. I actually ramped up a clever little bit about the French riots, posted it, and then discovered that Blogspot was in the middle of some kind of repairative measures. I wound up losing every single thing I wrote on the matter.

If I can give a bit of sage advice, it would be this: always write your drafts in MS Word, or some other word processor, with continual saves. Then cut and paste the stuff into your blog field. Sure, sure, I'm probably coming off as a condescending simpleton, but I just thought I'd say it anyway.

But as to media mania. I just purchased an arctic white Fender Stratocaster with an unvarnished maple neck/fingerboard. The thing is absolutely stunning.

Couple that with the Fender, "Blues Junior" amp I'm going to buy this afternoon, and you've just got one humdinger of a reason to ignore the wolves for now. As it sits, I'd rather play guitar and sing, and record my music than watch Terry Moran act like he's the savior of the populace, and that his primary superpower is a decoder ring set to "boomer arrogance."

I'm not checking out or anything. I just think the endless immersion in things I have no ultimate control over to be dangerous. My wife and kids could care less if I go to bat for Karl Rove, and would prefer I save my emotional currency for them.

I happen to agree.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

I Can Only Post Titles Until BlogSpot Knocks Off The Repair Work (Be Back Later)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Danger In Satire (A Mea Culpa)

I recall the non-famous and hastily-made-up-by-me quotation, “One’s purpose to head north prevents them not from still drifting west.”

I know I know. Bartlett’s immortality is my lot. But let’s not get derailed here. The truth is, I've headed south.

I have become mean and surly on this blog, without ever having intended to do either. And I am neither in real life.

Take for instance, the post below about Harry Reid (UPDATE: I have taken the post down. There is no need to elaborate on its nature any further than what this essay has to say about it.) Looking back, that post is downright wrong and offensive. Not because I have higher opinions about Reid, but because I’ve saddled those with clinically-mapped disabilites and challenges with Harry Reid's complete facility for evil. I’ve piggy-backed the wrong host in the name of being funny. And I'm sorry for it.

I can’t say I wasn’t warned. John from Wuzzadem, loved the headline about “very special prosecutor,” after I pitched my idea to him. I had not yet weighed exactly how I was going to write it. All John tried to do was warn me not to go too far out on the limb with the overused, bastardized and woefully appropriated “retard” theme. And I actually intended to take that into consideration.

I somehow missed.

It’s not like satire is based on unadulterated niceness. There is a fundamentally biting road-base to mockery in any form, and I want to say at the outset that my repentance for the gratuitous stops at the edge of Islam’s waters. I am not sorry for my acid-tongued treatment of what is bilious by nature in and of itself.

Beyond that, I am intending to contract the parameters of my own template. Believe it or not, I do have standards. One of which is one that refuses to utilize foul language on this blog. I have discovered, however, that one can still drift into the harbor of overkill without ever tossing an F-bomb on my blog. In fact it could be that my playground-comforts with the English language make what I do so much more potentially harmful. It is possible to saw down an oak next to the forbidden tree and still wind up killing someone.

This all came to a head with a short-but-informative exchange I had with The Anchoress—a blog I recommend as highly as I can emphasize. Again, my loss of compass only brought into relief when I stepped outside of my own myopic little blog world.

Oddly enough, I’ve always joked that the main difference between Scrappleface, and myself is that Scott Ott most likely prays before he posts something. And once again, my own penchant for satire hits a sad truth; only in this case that sad truth is germane to me, and not somebody else.

Wow, I'm Glad I Have Experts To Explain This To Me

Sometimes, those of us down here in the cognitive steerage compartment just have to realize that the ones buttressing their martini's with iceberg shards on the lido deck are just plain cut from better stock.

Take this Breitbart article, for instance. Had it not been for the aggregate brain power of experts, I would have had no idea that President Bush suffers from political weaknesses indemic to a second term:
Many experts argue Bush is suffering from the second term syndrome -- as presidents Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton famously did with various scandals and affairs.

But wait. Just in case that wasn't clear enough. Council on Foreign Relations schmuck, and political expert, Russell Mead, weighs in with wisdom that could split the political atom:
"They become more of a lame duck, the people in Congress and the Senate realize they are running for re-election but the president is not, so the political fortunes start to diverge," he added.

I know I've been enlightened. I know better than to try and leave my first estate, shoveling the coal. Now I'm going to have to reevaluate my pro-life views, along with my disbelief in evolution.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Go And Read


She's good, and I like her blog, despite my suspicions that I repulse her.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Stand Back. Losing Houses Is My Specialty

By Senator Trent Lott,
Guest Columnist

Take a deep breath and trust me on this. Just as soon as we lose the Republican majority in the house, I have an immediate plan to get it back.

That was my whole point in telling Chris Mathews that Karl Rove should perhaps go. Yeah, he's not even mentioned in the Libby indictment, but to be quite frank, I'm not comfortable governing from the majority.

That was why I initially engaged in the power-sharing deal with the Democrats after they won back a few seats. Sure, we were in the majority, but when you're in the majority, you also have to assimilate a high degree of the blame when things go wrong.

Thus, my cunning plan.

We need to do whatever it takes to get the dems back into power. After that, they'll get the blame for letting the Red Chinese take over the country. This will upset the populace, and they'll find themselves voted right out of office.

I've thought a lot about this. It'll only take a few American babies tossed to the ends of the Maoist's bayonet until the American people will no longer have the stomach for the party of appeasement.

I told Sean Hannity the other day that I had considered not running for another term in the wake of Hurricane Katrina's annihilation of my house, but my devotion to public service is stronger even than my devotion to my house. I not only want to lose my house, but I want to share that experience with my constituents. My faith is strong here. Together we can again be the powerful minority from back in the day.

Can I get a witness?

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