Sunday, November 02, 2008

Starving Kenyan Refugee Accidentally Hammers Out Deal With FOX NEWS on Laptop

Touch Screen capability causes man to "want Double-Double," signs with Hannity and Colmes.

Norway--When Chief Sumatra Korir found a reporter's stray laptop in his village, he assumed the In & Out advertisement in a pop-up window was tactile nourishment.

Grasping at the pseudo-protein, however, would change his life in ways other than what would normally be reflexive dry-heaving at the sudden introduction of meat to a starving man. It landed an explosive revelatory deal with Fox New's, Hannity and Colmes.

"My shaman says I have potentially changed the winds of the United States presidential election," said Korir through an interpreter. "What mean this United States?"

Korir, who looks five times his mere 29 years, says "the machine talks back to me."

"I speak with the Great Clowd," he says. "And many, many seek her counsel. So Far, I just say what the Cloud wants to hear--it brings great hope to many. I don't know why."

Korir was originally scheduled to appear on the little-known "Momma-E" radio broadcast shortly after his desire to eat a two-dimensional, animal-style Double Double hamburger somehow launched Korir into an unforeseen spotlight.

"I asked my interpreter to tell the burger that I had an abominable tapeworm," he said. "Somehow, I got all these emails saying they wanted me to send it to them. Let's just say, transference has been a chore. I know not your modern mail methods."

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