Wednesday, July 06, 2005

France Loses Bid To Host Next Tour De France

2006 race to be held in Rwanda

Paris--Suffering from a demoralizing defeat to host the 2012 Olympics, French authorities have also announced a secondary defeat to the African nation of Rwanda, in hosting the 2006 Tour De France.

"This should really push those Chirac poll numbers through the floor," said one observer. "I mean, how inept must one appear before having your distinctly French event outsourced to one of the most deadly regions on the planet?"

Organizers say the Rwandan venue poses some interesting logistical obstacles" for all contenders.

"First, you have to deal with intermittent gunfire, " said one strategist. "But above all that, the pollutants normally found in the European theater are entirely different in the African one. Cholera, burning villages, and the soft-dirt ruts so common to mass graves can be murder on the equipment."

Others say the potential fording of a corpse-clogged river could "level the playing field" against any more upstart American contenders in the vein of six-time champion, Lance Armstrong.

"We're looking forward to a Lance-free competition, either way," said one. "Even if he has to take a machete to the Carotoid artery from some Hutu insurgency. Cest La Vie."

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