Monday, May 23, 2005

Republican Senators Willingly Date-Raped By Democratic Senators

McCain says "nuclear option" really meant "I'm high and vulnerable"

"We are now their girlfriends." McCain briefs the
press on the startlingly amicable agreement that allows
for future filibusters and unlimited conjugal visits with
republicans against their will.

Washington--In a historic move on the Senate floor today, republican senators agreed to be date-raped by democratic senators, denying themselves the chance filibuster a particularly randy judiciary committee.

"We have made history," said Arizona senator John McCain. "We have eliminated the chance for filibuster on the next three judges, and unlimited the right to our own bodies as well. How much more senatorial congeniality can you get?"

McCain also noted that the true crossroads victory on the part of the republicans was the clause added to the agreement that redefines the dictionary meaning of the phrase "extraordinary circumstances."

"This should be a bitter pill for my colleagues across the aisle," he said. Not only do they get to have their amorous way with us 24-7, but now we've boxed them in with a reconstituted congressional term that now means "Any Supreme Court Nominee Bush Sends Up."

Democrats say they've only taken what they can get.

"Look, these republicans have the skill of Sun Tzu and Machiavelli rolled into one," said Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. "We're lucky we got by with only not filibustering these three, while those guys got the rich prize of not being able to change senate rules even if we default on our promise, or just make up scurrilous reasons to block nominations."

Biden said unencumbered access to the virtue of republican freshmen made the agreement "barely tolerable."

"We're going to burning some long candles at Hyannis Port," he said.

UPDATE!! McCain Announces New 9/10ths Cloture Compromise

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