Monday, May 23, 2005

McCain Announces New 9/10ths Cloture Compromise

Senator Byrd Advocating Three-Fifths of a Compromise

McCain's surprise compromise victory on cloture has begun a serious whispering campaign amongst even democrats, who indicate they can "support a maverick" like the Arizona senator. (download for larger view)

Washington--Fresh from a stunning victory over their own majority, a group of republican senators has announced an even more unprecedented piece of the political pie--a refurbished filibuster rule that moves the ability to force debate on an issue from 2/3rds to 9/10ths.

"I am actually starting to feel guilty," said Arizona senator, John McCain. "I mean if I had my 'druthers,' I'd set this thing up so that it would take a unanimous vote from the body of 100 to end a filibuster by the Democrats. I'll take this and call it a day in the Hanoi Hilton."

McCain was speaking through an interpreter schooled in Maverick Lockjowl, a remote dialect stemming from an amalgam of Agent Orange exposure, and having needles forced up one’s cuticles during captivity.

The compromise would thus require a total of 90 senatorial votes to break a filibuster, and acquire what is known as "cloture."

Sen. Robert Bird (W-Va), who signed his name to the initial compromise, said he was "bittersweetly amused" by McCain's incredible accomplishment, noted that he had his own preferences.

"I'm from an area where moderation is the hallmark o’ the southern gentleman,” said Byrd, soul of the Senate and healthy purveyor of his now famous “white nigger” keynote speech. “So I gotta tell you, My people—and by that I mean my brethren back in the day would’a blanched at something as significant as nine-tenths. We’d much prefer three-fifths around these here parts.”

The news of the cloture compromise comes as the fallout from the earlier filibuster deal is yet to be measured.

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