Saturday, May 21, 2005

Bush Gives Saddam Endearing Nickname Of "Whitey-Tightey"

Pootie-Poot calls in to express outrage over photos; Saddam to file Brief

Still struggling with basic, servant-level motor skills:
Hussein, quite accustomed to the opulence and the majesty
of absolute power, bravely overcomes another of many
"either/or" obstacles encountered by those who are less fortunate.

Washington--With continued fallout over Saddam Hussein's embarrassing "underwear" photographs. President Bush registered his empathy for the former dictator by referring to him as "Whitey Tightey."

"We will get to the bottom of this," said Bush. "While we prefer the elasticity and comfort of our current security levels, it has become evident that certain peep-holes still exist, even in our form-fitting security matrix."

Bush went on to say that the individuals responsible will "prostate themselves before the Justice Department," and that "Even my adversary, Whitey-Tightey, deserves better than to be subjected to apparel with no visible undercarriage support."

Arab-American relations experts say that, while the President appears to be defending Saddam against being shamed to death in the public media, that his folksy-colloquialisms, and down-home jargon are really double-entendres—meant to poke fun at the former dictator’s predicament.

“We received word that Mr. Bush had a short-list of nicknames drawn up, even before the pictures surfaced,” said one representative. “And the Muslim world is not going to quietly accept such brazenly disrespectful nicknames like ‘Broken Odometer,’ or ‘The Last Turkey in the Shop’ without some kind of uprising.”

Other say that, while there are extremely vocal groups outraged by the publication of the photos, they are a vociferous minority.

“We believe there exists an actual majority of Iraqis that support this action,” said one unnamed Iraqi dissident. “But since their tongues have been gouged out, and hands cut off, it puts a significant handicap on the whole ‘picket and protest’ thing.”

Late reports today said that Vladimir (Pootie-Poot) Putin called Mr. Bush to express outrage “on behalf of all of Russia, and that if “Mr. Bush had any self-respect, he’d air brush Saddam right out of those pictures and re-release them.”

Still developing . . .

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