Thursday, May 12, 2005

Ousted Church Dems To Start Own Church, Oust God

Nativity scene to be replaced with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Many democrats have decided that "putting
feet to their prayers" would be far more effective
than litigation. This building is serving as the interim
site for the new, Godless body of worship.

Waynesville, NC--Democratic members of a North Carolina church, ousted for refusing to support President Bush, have announced the formation of a new church.

Originally ousted by Pastor Chan Chandler from East Waynesville Baptist Church, the member had originally considered retaining an attorney, but decided a "reformation" would better serve their needs. Chandler has since resigned in the wake of the controversy, citing a "misunderstanding."

"What we've needed for a long time supercedes the democrat/republican issues," said one member of the new nine-member church. "We've had a big problem with the whole theological part anyway. Jesus is way too high on a pedestal. He's got notches coming."

Members ay the new congregational assembly will be called the Anti Theological Holy Ecumenical Intelligence Sanctuary of Tolerance (ATHEIST), and that a “deity free” environment will be stressed, encouraged, and taught. Members do concede that a hastily-formed congregation six-months from major holidays presents certain, insurmountable obstacles—particularly in the areas of iconography.

“ We are, admittedly, at a loss for a nativity scene replacement this holiday season,” said one. “Although we have considered attempting to anthropomorphize a few psychological principles to illustrate the needs of humanistic man. We just received a cardboard display of Pavlov’s salivating dogs—a concurrent image with man’s thirst for knowledge.”

Members deny that a display representing Sigmund Freud’s marriage to his mom is on the table.

“Look, that didn’t happen,” said one. “Although technically we could still do it under the umbrella of artistic projection. We would prefer a chronologically-oriented display that takes the seven deadly sins, and fuses them to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

No schedule of services has been announced.

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