Thursday, May 05, 2005

Pedestrian’s Right-Of-Way Smirk Fails Invincibility Test

Paramedics try in vain to resuscitate 34-year-old Johnny
Downing, who successfully convinced authorities the right-
of-way did belong to him.

New York—A pedestrian, reportedly bearing a facial posture “asserting his right-of-way,” provided a non-scientific support of the theory that walking in front of moving vehicles while asserting those rights may not make one immune to mortal injury.

34-year-old Johnny Downing, of Manhattan, was killed by an SUV while attempting to support the latently accepted bromide, that the arrogant exhibition of pedestrian prioritization codes in automotive law provides an “impregnable buffer” against a fast approaching winch, and corrugated grillwork.

One odd twist in the story, however, deals with the way Mr.Downing’s untimely demise has benefited communities other than that of the organ-donor kind.

“The science community thanks the decedent,” said one scientist from Cedar Sinai Medical Center. “We have for years attempted to find a humane way to test this theory in a clinical atmosphere, but have had numerous philosophical and ethical hurdles to cross before we could ever even approach such research. One erroneous crosswalk navigation with a presumptuous visage may have done all of our work for us. The trade journal research paper has practically written itself.”

Analysts say that Downing’s death could have “reverberating effects” with regards to how the pedestrian community views themselves, and their true allotment in the automotive food chain.

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