Sunday, May 08, 2005

Court Rules Virgin Mary Likeness Violates Separation Of Church And Overpass

The 11th Circuit Court ruled that
high sodium content, it's veiled
allusions to Sodom & Gomorrah
are unconstitutional.

Chicago—A federal court has ruled that a salt-stain on the emergency turnoff area under the Kennedy Expressway violates “distinct and utterly inarguable” precepts laid down by the founding fathers.

What many followers believe is a sodium-based apparition of the Virgin Mary embracing Pope John Paul II upon his entrance to heaven has brought literally thousands from all over the country, to view the phenomena first hand, and thus prompted legal action by the court.

A unanimous ruling from the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals left no room for further redress:

The clear metaphorical visuals in this case cannot be ignored. Biblical references to roads are implicit and profound throughout this display, and thus an imperceptible stigma upon the non-believers is entirely possible, as subtle indoctrinations of right and wrong--and especially--a right road versus a wrong one are lurking to injurious potential.

The court also deems the dubious choice of an overpass in lieu of an underpass--clear structural allusions to Heaven, as opposed to any balance regard for perdition.

The manifestation, whether originating by accident, design, or another process unknown to this court, is extremely high in Sodium--commensurate with Lot's wife in the book of Genesis. Based upon this information, as well as the subtle, judgmental overtones relating salt, emergency exits, and Sodom & Gomorrah, we order the overpass to be remedied of all Biblical connections.

Plans for an appeal are being weighed, but the court's cauterizing opinion may leave no room for such endeavors.

Developing. . .

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