Sunday, February 13, 2005

Undistributed Duelfer Reports Used To Pack Blister Agent In Syria

Damascus--Along with a gargantuan heap of 9/11Comission Reports, approximately 2,000,000 copies of the Duelfer Report are reported to be in the possession of the Syrian Government, where they are torn apart and used as packing insulation for WMD's.

A Syrian official explained; "We were able to acquire these wholesale from the west. Apparently, they were not the books of choice in America, but we have great use for them. Blister agents are a nasty business, and you don't want them getting jarred around. One move amiss, and an entire labor shift goes to the leper colony."

The official said that even though the Duelfer Report was adequate for cushioning the travel aberrations for weapons-grade plutonium, heavy lead casings are still required to avoid "hand out of forehead" syndrome.

"The progeny always pay the price for the slightest departure from procedure," he said.

Other copies of the report are kept pristine and use to chock-block any ICBM's that happen to be uncased and ready to deploy.

The Syrian government is expecting a backup shipment of 30,000,000 unsold copies of Fahrenheit 9/11, in the event that the book supply dwindles before full re-proliferation of Saddam's WMD's has concluded.

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