Sunday, January 23, 2005

Zarqawi Vows To "Increase Descriptions" of Insurgent Attack Methods

New language to include "longer knives" and "4-door car bombs with luggage space."

A newly-released audiotape, bearing the voice of a speaker identifying himself as Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is striking fear in the western world, as credible threats of "more elaborate and grisly descriptions" of acts already perpetrated by insurgents could manifest themselves as concrete rhetoric.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
Master of the adjective

Administration officials are careful to speculate on the possibility of augmented descriptions, and say that until a pure, colorfully-embroidered description of the recent beheadings and car bombings materializes, that conjectural chatter is only harmful.

"We've heard this before," said one White House staffer,"everyday we hear that Zarqawi is on the verge of saying that 'especially long knives' will be employed in the beheadings of innocent civilians,' but he has yet to put his mouth where his mouth is."

Other chilling possible descriptions include elevating the standard, broken-down yugo or garden variety, two-door sedan car bomb to a more roomy, 4-door model with air conditioning and greater foot space."

So far, all intercepted chatter contradicts the blood-curdling clarion call by Mr. Zarqawi.

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