Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Democrats Reluctantly Confirm Nomination of Articulate, Black Woman

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee today reluctantly voted to confirm Articulate Black Woman Condoleezza Rice for Secretary of State today, with Sen. Barbara Boxer (Ca.) and Sen. John Kerry voting "no."

Condoleezza Rice--Articulate Black Woman
that troubles the finest minds in the senate

It is believed that Kerry appropriated an obscure statute in parlimentary procedure to first vote for her, before voting against her. Sources say these things are frequently done "under the radar," but that Kerry's rumored vascillation is "uncorroborated."

Boxer vociferously opposed Rice on grounds of her "disregard for the truth," and that "hearing that kind of perfectly-honed diction and enunciation emanate from a black face is unnerving." Aides to Boxer admit that the senator's umbrage against Rice falls under the umbrella of low-expectations with regards to black people.

"If she could have just taken on a muslim moniker, or went all hip-hop for a moment, or done that thing black women do with their heads when they get mad," said the aide. "But this dot-and-tittle attention to posture and vigorus defense of the iraq war, with words the senator can barely understand just wont do."

Top: Sen. Boxer, "Unnerved" by non-ebonics. Bottom: Rice in surroundings "more
appropriate for her type."

Sen. Joeseph Biden (D.-Delaware) thoughtfully scratched his frontal hair plugs as he relunctantly said he would support Rice--perhaps avoiding a "sour grapes" protest vote in a process virtually guranteed to confirm Rice. He also quoted from one of his major written works, Romeo & Juliet.

Sen Biden's hair plugs were
virtually imperceptible during
today's hearings.

The commitee's vote sends the issue to the full senate, where she is expected to face symbolic opposition from the like of former Ku Klux Klan member, Robert Byrd(W.VA)--a Democrat.

Democratic Senator Robert Byrd
in "happier times."

Byrd is expected to refrain from filibustering the issue in fashions similar to his barn-burner fulminations against the 1964 Civil Rights Act.

It was unclear at day's end whether or not Sen. Byrd planned to use the word "nigger" in any forthcoming speeches.

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