Tuesday, January 18, 2005

California's Whirlwind Justice System To Execute 1981 Murderer

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, acting in haste within the lightning-fast mechanisms of the California legal system, is refusing to grant clemency to convicted 1981 killer Donald Beardslee. Beardslee, 61 was convicted for the 1981 murder of two women. The execution is scheduled for Wednesday, 12:01 AM.

Governor Schwarzeneggar
hasty, non-clemency-granter

Human rights groups are not happy. "The death of these women should not be demeaned and devalued by running a hasty, 23-year legal debacle," said one member of nodeathpenalty.org. "We are surprised that the Governor's more liberal social predispositions did not prevail."

The Governor has repeatedly said he wants what is "beest fo Cottiphonia," but has declined to elaborate. His personal platforms have emerged on a piecemeal basis, under circumstances such as these.

Still, the anti-death-penalty group holds out hope for Beardslee's further three square's a day at the taxpayer's expense. "His mental impairments are a true issue," said one member of Amnesty International. "We hope that the 'Tard Defence' will prevail yet again." Amnesty International is world-renowned for their blind, altruistic extrication of the obviously guilty. "We want the world to know that the cold-blooded an ruthless have a friend out there," an insider said in a phone interview.

Despite the recent hulabloo in California, many analysts, as well as those involved in human rights organizations, encourage would-be killers to plan their crimes more carefully, and to "fully think through" their venues before engaging in the seemingly mundane acts of disemboweling women and children and dumping their bodies in a landfill.

"Blue states are always your best bet," one analyst was quoted.

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