Thursday, January 20, 2005

Networks Preempt Inauguration Coverage As Filipino's Make Staggering Discovery of Fire


The Inauguration ceremonies of 43rd president George W. Bush were preempted by most networks, as scattered reports began to materalize that Filipino nationals had discovered fire.

Filipino scientists were seen with pyrotechnic implements lighting what appeared to be a form of decorated fabric.

"It's a good thing this breakthrough happened outside the US Emabassy here," said one vicarious researcher. "Otherwise, the world would think nothing of dismissing our people's strength in these areas of science."

One observer noted that technique may have as much to do with the success of fire's discovery as the catalysts themselves. "It seems that butane lighters have a synergystic effect when coupled with high-pitched screaming and incoherent, gregarious caterwauling." he said.

Filipino scientists in Manila skillfully assemble a
delicately-balanced series of catalysts in their discovery of fire.
43rd US President George W. Bush's Inauguration was
preempted in the wake of this news avalanche.

President Bush was told of the discovery as he was getting ready to read Goodnight Moon to the Democratic Leadership Council. One aide notes, "He just sat there, stunned, and then broke out in a knowing smile that said, 'Yes!'"

The Inauguration ceremonies will be played in full, as soon as tape-delay recordings can have "Lord," and "Jesus" edited out of the invocations, and as soon as coverage of the Filipino Miracle subsides.

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