Sunday, January 23, 2005

Report: Overprescription Of Ibuprofen May Have Created Drug-Resistant Strain Of Inflammation

The Food and Drug Administration is looking into an independent report, that alleges overprescription of the common anti-inflammatory, Ibuprofen, may have paved the way for malicious swelling to do an end-run around the drug itself.

The report, comissioned by a private firm, details among other things, the theory that inflammation is a cunning and ruthless adversary, comparable to itch, and it's distant cousin, blanchable redness.

Though virtually indistinguishable, the foot on the
left is a standard case, easily ameliorated by Ibuprofen;
The foot on the right is host to a nefarious form of
mutant swelling. Besides dieting, amputation may
be the only option.

The report also implies the potential for a "pandemic level of indiscriminate swelling." The report however, does not elaborate in specific terms what kind of swelling may occur, or of whom the swelling may find the least resistant host. Other allusions to possible terrorist appropriation are chilling, at best. The report quotes even those in fields of combat:

"Swelling technology is a dangerous an unexplored munitions horizon." said one military analyst. "We've got to get ahold of this information before they do, otherwise, the reverse-diarretic is right around the corner."

The FDA has forwarded all pertinent concerns to the Department of Homeland Security. Until further studies confirm data consistent with the independent report, doctors will be allowed to treat inflammation with conventional Ibuprofen doses with no fear of legal retribution.

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