Friday, June 23, 2006

Scientists Who Cite Darwinistic Arrival Of Humans Fear Darwinistic Elimination Of Humans

"Intelligently-designed automobiles to blame," say Darwinists

Washington--As new studies that appear to support global warming claims continue to surface on a daily basis, the scientists behind the research claim that a human race the evolved here completely by accident "must be preserved here" on purpose.

"If we--the non-descript, non-apple-of-the-eye-of-an-existential-god, do not change our behavior now, then we could be eliminated," said Dr. I.M. Vacant, of the National Center For Atmospheric Research. "I mean, I don't mean to imply that we hold any special itemization in the universe or anything, but we could all die in one generation. We must act now, or the Darwinistic theories that got us here could also remove us; a sort of Darwinism gone awry."

"It is a mystery to me, why the American public--for that matter the world--can't seem to wrap their emotional being around the concept that we could literally eliminate ourselves," said Dr. Nate Silicion, author of Creationists Suck: How to Siphon Your Child's Entire Sense Of Purpose In Six Weeks. "Watching former Vice President Gore's movie being panned--even by some critics and scientists--is enough to make me want to take my own life."

Many scientists are citing the creative tangents of organic matter as the source of the problem.

"Despite the fact that we are here accidentally, and all matter is here accidentally, with an existence based entirely random data belched from the belly of chance, it is the anomalous creative characteristics of the human race that placed us in this position," said Dr. Vacant. "One where thought becomes word, word becomes deed, and deed manifests itself in action and substance. It's a concept very foreign to science, and must be considered an outlier."

"Our intelligence, our designs--are what is killing us. The auromobile is just the start," said Silicion. "We must put our intelligence on the back burner, and get back to the Darwinism we all know and love."

Previously: Global Warming To Blame For Global Cooling , and Scientists Perplexed By Global Warming On America-Free Planet

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