Friday, February 04, 2005

Scientists Perplexed By Global Warming On America-Free Planet

"Most likely a case of proximity to America," say scientists.

European scientists are befuddled by new revelations that Saturn's polar caps may be heating up--all without the help of The United States of America and its robust economic system.

Photo Courtesy of Fox News.Com

Saturn: Scientists looking for presence of
United States to explain warming in the
southern polar cap.

"While there appears to be a complete and unequivocal disconnect between the two," said Dr. Mehazza Gaul(France), "we believe that the clinical and unbiased double-blind processes by which the scientific process reveres as its hallmark will effectively be able to blame Saturn's climactic anomalies on America."

Bush administration officials argue that "the only core temperature the French know how to take is their own. Although a preponderance of simultaneous white-flag waving does tend to make for a cooler environment."

French official siad that "they are outraged by this rhetoric," and to "please not hit them."

On a legal note, Saturn has already filed a brief, stating that it is the victim of trans-planetary thermal advertising ploys. A spokesperson for Saturn even claims that the planet's rings are really a nonbiodegradable material dump for NASA, and that the rings never existed until American technological advances allowed for aggregate mattress dumping three planets away.

"This cannot be corroborated at this time," said the spokesperson.

The case is expected to go to trial in June. Mars, Jupiter and Uranus are expected to be subpoenaed as character witnesses.

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