Dems Demand Increase In Atheist Valedictorians
Washington--As a controversy builds around the school-censored commencement speech by Foothill High School valedictorian, Brittany McComb, Congressional democrats are couching the student's Jesus-mentioning speech as a "wake up call to all active non-believers everywhere."McComb's microphone was intentionally cut off when the faculty feared her adoration of God came dangerously close to offending non-believers. House minority leader, Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) lauded the "institutional intelligence committee that led to a preemptive strike against such things."
"This is nothing more than a microcosm of Sept 11th," she said. "Fundamentalism must be stopped, Allah willing."
Others say the incident has some positive ramifications.
"Look, between the spelling bees being front-loaded with home-schoolers and the preponderance of the Judeo-Christian valedictorian, we're on the verge of some kind of theocratic revolution. This situation underscores the need for a synthesis between vapid, spiritual vacancy and high grade-point averages."
Senate minority leader, Harry Reid, concurs, and took to the senate floor to not only denounce McComb's "evangelical tenacity," but to take a legislative pro-active approach to giving atheists equal time in the halls of education.
"I'd like to go on record as being the first--if you will the progenitor of comprehensive legislation to ensure that the hopeless, non-believer gets his fair shake in the market of ideas. We just have to make sure the proselytizable agnostic community does not funnel these funds and laws away from the center of our intent. I now yield the remainder of my time to the distingushed gentleman from Sheol."
posted by Doofus @ 2:06 PM
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