Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Michael Schiavo Humorously Adds Water To Wife's Ashes At Burial

Parents mischieviously sent to wrong state. Drum, rim-shot "perfectly timed. "

Knowing full well that a simple Biblical reference would be lost on most, Michael Schiavo had Christ's words, "I Thirst," emblazoned on the bottom of the stone for comedic ambiance.

Tampa, Florida--As Michael Schiavo interred the ashes of his wife, Terri Schaivo in a Florida Cemetery, many could see his comedic side peering out through the solemnity.

Holding the urn of his wife Terri, Schiavo told the assemble crowd that he "Told the parents this would be in Pennsylvania."

"They ought to be arriving in Pittsburgh about right now," said Schiavo, to a perfectly-timed comedic rim shot by a drummer unrelated to Terri.

Schiavo then seemed to be looking furtively around the area for a while, when his face seemed to light up. “Hey, I know!” he said.

Schiavo then picked up a nearby bottle Calistoga and poured a measure of it into the ashes.

“Y’all drink!” he said in a mock southern accent. “Drink plenty of it!”

Bystanders said that Schiavo’s naturally-flowing stand-up talents were ”conspicuously ignored by the media.”

“That blasted FOX News,” said 84-year-old perfectly healthy and not threatening to the youthful future of her descendants, Ellie Melman. “Terri got all the attention. That’s like putting the attention on the produce aisle and not the grocer.”

Though a few dissidents seemed to be present, most agreed that Schiavo’s comedic star had yet to rise.

‘When I walked up to the grave marker, I almost spit out the liquidated steak I was eating,” said 24 year old Larry Mills. “Had he just put the reference to John 19:28, most would never take the occasion to look it up. But there’s just something about the words I THIRST emblazoning the bottom that hits me right in the solar plexus. This man’s a riot.”

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