Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Retarded Boy Found Innocent Of Malice In Air America Gunshot Episode

Program Director Albert Franken's disastrous
chromosomal train wreck at the hands of his
parents may have prevented him from possible fines and
jail time.

Network founder's extra chromosome isolates him from malevolent intent, say docs

New York-- The sometimes controversial, mouth-breathing, mentally-challenged boy who founded the liberal Air America radio network, was cleared of any "peripheral wrongdoing" in the recent flap over a segment in which the President of the United States is shot over his social security plans.

Al "Frankie" Franken, progenitor of the network, as well as the star of the cinematic mega-failure, Stuart saves His Family, was exculpated by "the very gene that keeps him from functioning normally anyway," according to the expert testimony from doctors.

"He's just too compromised to even understand the difference between funny and scandalous," said one medical expert. "It is very clear, in light of Mr. Franken's more recent attempts at humor, that there may be some genetic proximity in his blood parents."

The segment, which aired on the Randi Rhoades show, includes the comparison of President Bush to a whining toddler, who is shot four times while "whining" about Social Security’s impending doom. Authorities, while still investigating the network proper, have also released Franken from the "orb of culpability."

"His retardation is so advanced," said one observing doctor. "That he's just like Jeffy from Family Circle, except Jeffy is forty years younger and has parents with a tangible fork in their family tree."

Experts note that Franken's high visbility could bring a new awareness to the wages of sexual immorality.

"The message is clear," said one geneticist. "And that message is please, please, don't marry your sister. It was bad enough that Abraham sired an illegitimate child out of wedlock--one bastard child and we have people flying planes into our skyscrapers. Lord only knows what Franken's kids could be up to."

Franken is expected to ride the short bus into work for the next few weeks, until the invesitagtion into the network, as well as the related hulabaloo die down.

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