Friday, April 22, 2005

Gas Prices Forcing Hamas Suicide Bombers Into Carpools

"Every car will project the passion of twenty martyrs," say leaders

Lebanon--Undaunted by skyrocketing gas prices stemming from diverse economic factors, the militant terrorist group Hamas has announced that their Martyr's brigade will activate their "default plan," by consolidating what would otherwise be solitary suicide bombers, into a 20-plus carpool assault against the infidels.

"We have the passion to project against the Great Satan's" said Hashneesh Allahbadman, senior expert suicide bomber." We will deploy our mediocre explosive vehicular assaults with the muting impact of 20 martyrs packed into one loaded Yugo."

Experts say that in addition to the economical and eco-friendly angle assumed by the organization, that the attacks will "greatly minimize the ratio" of noise pollution associated with these attacks.

"It's like jamming a potato over the muzzle of a rifle," said one noted ballistics expert. "Except for the fact that the potatoes are bodies and the gun is a 1991 Yugo."

A Hamas spokesperson said that they would not rule out a bicycle onslaught, should gas proces become entirely prohibitive.

Developing . . .

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