Friday, April 22, 2005

Howard Dean Levitates From Bed, Demands To See Father Karras

Father John Karras (right) confronts the unholy thing that
dangles the soul of former Vermont Governor, Howard Dean,
over the ninth pit. Dean's invitation for satanic inhabitation
has proven disastrous in recent weeks, with uncontrollable

Georgetown--capitulating fully to the powers of darkness, DNC Chairman, Howard Dean allowed himself to become the conduit of Beelzebub, to demand interview with troubled catholic priest, father John Karras.

"What we have here is the classic case of unadulterated possession," said Karras, who displayed visibly edgy reactions to Deans channeling of his own dead mother's voice from beyond. "This is the real thing."

Dean then proceeded to levitate off the bed while spewing vile blasphemies against heaven.

Karras says Dean's trip into active reprobation may have started with something as seemingly innocuous and benign as the Ouija board during the 2004 presidential primaries, paving the way for ritualistic bloodletting and human sacrifice during the votes leading up to his selection as DNC Chairman.

“We have seen the gradual metamorphosis from Vermont governor to haunting, deadly specter, “said one religious authority. “The problem now is, his features and voice are virtually indistinguishable from his earlier self. We are going o to have to rely on second-generation recordings of Mr. Dean to know when we have exorcised the legion of devils that cause him to fulminate with such vigor against the very core of the GOP.”

Democratic insider said they became concerned with Dean’s grotesque persona “about the time he wrenched the head of a republican intern a full 360 degrees, and when all recorded speeches are offering a duplicitous, backward message.

Karras said that Dean’s demonic interlopers are the worst kind.

“See, the former governor is the prime candidate for demonic possession,” he said. “The empty houses are always the ones where squatter’s rights cases are born. Try telling Lucifer the Prince of Darkness he’s being evicted. I’ll bet before it’s over he has Dean making warm puppets out of field rabbits and jamming a crazy straw into the carotid arteries of the unwitting.”

Karras said that despite the canonical mountain before him with regard to rescuing Dean from the devil’s clutches that he intends to try.

“He’s still condemned to Hell,” said Karras. “But were hedging our ancient, liturgical ritual against him taking the whole DNC with him."

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