Thursday, April 21, 2005

Nation's Judges Issue Dire Warning To Sex Offenders: You Will Be Caught And Released

"Your temporary incarcerator is at the door:"
The Nation's most preeminent judges gather to scold
congress, as well warn as child molesters about the
literal "days" they will spend in jail when caught.

Washington--In an unprecedented show of unity, a consortium of city, state and federal judges held a press conference today to shore up what they believe to misconceptions about their jurisprudence--fomented by recent attacks by House majority leader, Tom DeLay.

Judges from the Florida region were particularly angry and passionate.

"Mr. Delay can relegate a judgeship down to simple, black and white, up or down, right or wrong, legal or illegal terms," said Pinellas County Circuit judge, George Greer. "That is exactly what is getting in the way of our jobs: eleventh-hour, armchair quarterbacking from the Congress."

Greer also noted that congressional static may have impeded the earlier captures and subsequent releases of two sex offenders in Florida, both of which are alleged to have murdered young girls in recent weeks.

"They need to get out of the way," said Greer. "It's time for us to get back to writing laws and interpreting those laws."

Greer's speech brought roars of assent from the assembled judges on the steps of the Capitol. After subsequent speeches, Supreme Court Judge, Anthony Kennedy delivered what he called his "Denmark Ultimatum."

" . . .and to any would be child molester, and sex-offenders," he said, "Make no mistake about it: You will be caught and released."

Kennedy said that his enlightened passions were stirred both by Scottish Law, and an obscure passage in Hammaurabi's Code.

"Diversity is what's going to keep these creeps off, and then back on the streets," he said. "The wisdom of the courts is the last great recourse for our own, self-preservation."

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