Wednesday, April 27, 2005

NBC Auctions Off Katie Couric On Ebay

New York--Citing an "increasingly hostile atmosphere" towards network figureheads, executives at the NBC television network engaged in a simple, three-day attempt to place Today Show diva, Katie Couric on Ebay.

"At this point, our no-reserve auction looks like a failure," said one. "This is not our last hope of getting rid of her. We’re also talking some kind of Quid pro quo deal with"

Couric has been the latest of the network figureheads to come under public scrutiny, even since her Freudian slip in which she hoped Saddam Hussein had safely slipped into Syria at the beginning of the Iraq war. Couric's diva status has found her network in the uncomfortable position of maintaining live camera feeds of her morning escapades--even when urgent news is breaking.

"That is why Ebay is such a great medium," said one NBC insider. "Because only someone who can really stand her would even dare to bid. The anonymity inherent in an Ebay bid guarantees that Couric's new owner will, at least start out, not an emotional hostage to her narcissistic, multi-million dollar rampages."

NBC decided to forego the classic "Reserve" bid in favor of the masses, and to show their "absolute sincerity" in wanting "someone that really deserves Ms. Couric" to have her without a lot of red tape.

Couric could be reached for comment. We decided to forego that, too.

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