Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Voinovich To Challenge McCain For Senate Minority Leadership

Voinovich (left), promises that "no amount of fuliminating, teeth-knashing pandering to the left" on the part of McCain(right)will superscede his "out and out joining of them" to undermine the President, and become Senate minority leader

Washington--Ohio Senator George Voinovich announced today that he would "stand toe-to-toe" against Arizona Senator John McCain's aspirations of becoming the senate minority leader.

"I am hoping to assume minority headship through the direct defeat at the hands of our electorate," he said. "I'd rather be a republican in the minority than switch parties and risk losing the chance of being a minority leader to a few uncreative souls who might change parties, thus making the democrats the majority party.

Voinovich said that his most recent reluctance to vote for Bush's UN Ambassador select exemplifies his desire to "play hard ball on the winning team--against the winning team."

McCain was seen to be gritting his teeth while auguring ill against the republicans, with Bill Frist threatening to use the "nuclear option" to defray any senate filibusters against Bush's upcoming judicial picks.

"Eeeh theeenk bwee in suh wepublikin pooty hab a plubum," said McCain, distending his outer jowls to almost unprecedented peripheral latitude. "Eem duh man to wead dis pooty indo ignomidy."

Voinovich said that McCain was a "bi-polar garden gnome" and that he needs to resolve his image. "He also needs to get his jowls un-wired so that he doesn't look like Bill Bixby in a Gamma radiation seizure," he said.

McCain indicated through an interpreter that only he knew "how to take down a presidential mandate at the knees with a legislative Louisville Slugger," and that Voinovich was a "pandering little girl from Ohio."

Voinovich said he would "vote against Bolton" for that remark.

Developing . . .

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