Thursday, April 28, 2005

Republicans Call For Own Impeachment

Afraid that electorate will throw them out unless they throw themselves out

Washington--With a distinct understanding of the political tides, House republicans announced today that they intend to seek impeachment charges against themselves.

"We are standing firm," said senator Bill Frist. "Unless we are willing to eliminate the republican specter from the Congress, we will lose our jobs in '06."

Frist said that the best way to maintain their jobs was to subject the entire republican alumni to an impeachment trial, and hope for an acquittal. Frist notes that they "have the votes" to convict themselves, even if a few republicans abstain.

"We're looking at an easy 9/10 margin here," he said. Even Senator Kennedy can pry himself out of his bloated, drunken stupor long enough to impeach us."

Democratic leaders applauded the republicans for their "forthright and equitable view" of the constitutional process.

"We just want to be sure there is nothing unredeeming or damaging to our sacred traditions," said Rep. Barney Frank, while painting his toes a mild fuchsia color. "The faintest whiff of conservatism could set things awry for a while, that's for sure."

Frist also noted that he was "deeply sorry" for any "rush to judgement" in wanting to impeach himself, as well as his colleagues.

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