Monday, February 07, 2005

Art Bell Disputes Validity Of Space Travel

Doubts own show carried by satellite

Parumph, Nevada--Overnight radio talk sensation, Art Bell, has stated that "the notion of an actual moonwalk by American astronauts is dubious at best," and that his own transponder signal is being delivered by "an alternate" source.

Bell, possibly the greatest single on-air exponent of extraterrestrial belief, made these statements between discussing the aberrant South-American Chupacabra, and a Siberian oil hole that purports to be an auditory portal into Hades.

"All I know is, I feel a quickening," said Bell "A substantial paradigm shift that extends from the pinnacle of Mt. Shasta's Lemurian grandeur to Groom Lake, Area 51, and Hangar 18."

No one was available for a translation, but co-host and frequent alternate, George Noory, implied that "He means this from the bottom of his heart."

Bell has been the recipient of heated criticism for his "dubious space walk" positions before, but has found supporting dialogue with Reverse Speech analysts, Shadow People Experts, and a frequent and varied string of on-air consorts from his Antichrist line. The Ghost Investigative Society has provided much moral support, along with Derrel Simms of the Houston UFO Network--who had an implant removed from his eye after a benign abduction by aliens.

Bell doubts that man has ever
walked on the moon, but owns
a time machine and believes a
South American aberration is
tunneling its way to the North
American continent with death
in its wake.

The Therapist tried to contact Bell at his desert home in Parumph, but sources at the residence stated he was currently indisposed, analyzing an alien autopsy video, to be immediately followed by a live Crystal Gayle performance under the constellation Orion.

"There's no point in discussing space travel," said the source. "Because it's just too absurd an idea."

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