Thursday, February 03, 2005

Filibuster Ready Democrats Outfitted With Quick-Release Catheter Hook-Ups

New V-joint, alternating connection point may eliminate "thumbing the line" during filibuster changes of guard.

Washington DC--Democrats poised to filibuster any and all upcoming judicial appointments made by President George W. Bush have been fitted and donned with quick-release attachments for Foley catheters.

"Only those who are truly serious about floor debate has had one installed," said one senate staffer. "They've got the line, and they're ready to read product labels until Bush's judicial blitzkrieg is vanquished."

Taking the job seriously: Senator
John Kerry(above) having the catheter
surgically installed. (below) The price
for latitudinal debate.

Senator Strom Thurmond brought catheterization into vogue back in 1957, while he was filibustering the Civil Rights Act. The more contemporary catheters, while at least initially invasive, allow one to read endless loops of The Jabberwocky without, what is known as the "Congressional Piddle."

"These new jobs are set up so that a v-joint, self-sealing line exists at the podium," said the staffer. "When one filibusterer is coming to the close of The Gulag Archipelago, his relief walks up beside him, plugs into the adjoining pick line, and either assumes readership of the text at hand, or commences with Lee Iaccoca's autobiography, or segues into a binary interpretation of Bill Clinton's, My Life."

Other filibusterers in history have made the dual mistake of not installing a catheter, followed by an erroneous reading of the United States Constitution while nibbling a high-fiber snack.

"That was cloture," said one reminiscing insider. "But not the kind we wanted,"

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