Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Conjectural Charges Land Limbaugh In Hypothetical Prison

Radio pundit looking at suppositional time behind bars, say analysts

Sources say Limbaugh's stipulated arrest
for non-illegal substances could land
the radio talker in a medium security
academic detention model.

West Palm Beach--While conservative radio host, Rush Limbaugh will not face criminal charges stemming from the bottle of Viagra found in his luggage, many legal experts point to their academic models as a case in point of what could have been.

"Had this been illegally obtained Oxycontin--and let's just say for the moment that it was, Limbaugh would be staring a very different horse in the mouth," said Dr. Al Sumptive, a legal analyst for CBS News. "Keeping this academic supposition in the index, he would be in direct violation of his probation, and the very violation of those terms means significant jail time."

Others say that Limbaugh's postulatable prosecution would also have "significant legal enhancements," had Limbaugh either raped anyone in the Dominican Republic, a place of which he spoke cryptically about his "good time," or shot to death a family of four in the West Palm Beach area.

"The postulatory margins are razor thin," said Sumptive. "The armchair precipice puts him in direct danger of preconditional legal jeopardy. If I were him, I'd watch my inductive, double-blind P's and Q's."

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