Monday, June 26, 2006

LeMond Claims Armstrong Called Father Hamster, Mother Elderberry Emanator

Also alleges seven-time champ used bovine-loaded catapault

New York--Former Tour-de-France champion, Greg LeMond, is claiming "sufficient intimidation" on the part of seven time winner, Lance Armstrong.

"He just stood there, waving his trophy in my general direction," said LeMond. "Then he taunted me a second time."

Armstrong denies any wrongdoing, including scattered, unconfirmed reports that he referred to the Hometown hero as a "tiny-brained wiper of other people's bottoms," although other witnesses lay claim to the epithet "empty-headed animal food-trough wiper."

"I've done nothing of the sort, " said Armstrong. "He's French. He has that outrageous accent. How am I supposed to even take him seriously?"

LeMond is reported to be bitter at his repeated shelving by an American with such extraordinary biological gifts.

"It's not true, " said LeMond. "I'm just sick and tired of his repeated tauntings, his sticking his thumbs in his ears, the raspberries. Sometimes, you've just got to stand up, say you're not going to take it, and run away."

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