Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Axl Rose Living Example That Mayhem, Assault Achievable Without Heroin

Rose: Smack-free smacker

Stockholm--After being arrested in Sweden for allegedly biting a security guard on the leg, many anti-drug advocates lauded the Guns 'N Roses lead singer, Axl Rose, for his "ability to maintain the breakneck rock-n-roll lifestyle" outside the confines of herion addiciton.

In addition to the alleged assault, Rose is also being charged with the time-honored destruction of hotel property.

"What we have here is a success story lodged within an unfortunate incident," said Dr. I.M. Railing, of the North American Drug Institute. "The presence of alcohol in this situation, while notable, is also negligable when you realize that all of this damage was accomplished by Mr. Rose without having to shove a needle in his veins. That--will be the most underreported fact in this whole story."

Rose is famous for lauding the melancholic aspects of herion addiciton--even within the lyrics of GNR's hit, "Mr. Brownstone."

"The denial aspect of the healing process will preclude Mr. Rose from accepting these accolades at face value," said Railing. "He's most likely to claim he's not a role model, but that will change as he hits the acceptance phase of healing."

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