Thursday, June 29, 2006

Court's Gitmo Ruling Could Result In Sudden Unforseen Death Of All 450 Inmates At Once

Bush Administration fears facility-wide pandemic

Havana--As reverberations stemming from the 5-3 Supreme Court ruling blocking military tribunals continue to ring, many insiders are fearing the worst: a pandemic that could decimate the entire population of Guantanamo bay's inmate constituency.

"We've prepared for this day, and are not entirely thrown aback by the ruling," said one White House insider. "We're ready to take immediate action, should all 450 inmates suddenly die."

Insiders refer mainly to Sudden Hadji Obliteration Trauma, otherwise known as S.H.O.T. to those steeped in the vernacular of unusual epidemical occurrences.

"We've got a close eye on the global map," said the source. "We've got a pretty good prognosticatory grip on when the virus could mutate from gun to human."

Some cite any attempt to inoculate the inmates with an ACLU-sponsored pharmaceutical could have "disastrous effects."

"At that point, you’re just taunting the forces beyond our control," he said. "The last thing we want is a facility wholly shut down by human misery."

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