Sunday, June 11, 2006

Carter Calls For Trigger Locks On Gitmo Suicide Bombers

"We don't want to close the place that way," say former President

Washington--Hoping to strike a chord of unity between the parties, Former President Jimmy Carter has called for a series of "preemptive measures" that would prevent would-be suicide bombers held at Guantanamo Bay, from detonating too quickly.

Carter's remarks falls in the same news cycle that confirms three inmates at Cuba's Guantanamo bay, had committed suicide to protest alleged abuses inside the compound.

"Aside from the fact that the place should be torn down and eliminated, we must approach the issue at the level upon which most of us would agree," he said. "It is inhumane to sit by and allow the flowers of mission to bloom too early."

Meanwhile the government denies reports that inter-departmental social scientists have borrowed from the Dixie Chicks' latest album to "fan the flames of expression and protest," which usually eventuate in the suicides of suicide bombers.

"Flat out preposterous," said one source. "Besides, we get a longer play out of Woodstock."

As to the proposed trigger locks on the detainees, one source bristles at the idea.

"People don't kill people, guns kill people," said one source. "We have to remember that. The minute we see a gun in that place, we're all over it."

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