Friday, June 09, 2006

Zarqawi May Have Died During Autopsy

"I saw a dead-looking, bearded Arab being cut open," says anonymous, living, bearded Arab passerby

Washington--As questions arise concerning tha last few moments of Al Qeida leader Abu Musab Al Zarqawi, another anonymous source is claiming that American forces may have performed a preemptive autopsy on the slain terrorist, and removed his vital organs while he was still alive.

"Sure, the overall accusation seems absurd," said one executive inside CBS News. "But we have to vet everything, so that we can validate ourselves as the least trusted network in America."

The source, a living nondescript bearded man of Arab persuasion, said he saw American medical unit "make the zipper" on a purportedly horizontally positioned non-descript bearded man of Arab persuasion.

"I just think it was Zarqawi," said the source, who refused to allow his non-descript, bearded Arab face to appear on the non-descript, bearded Arab networks, like Al Jazeera.

Meanwhile, reports of improprietous behavior with regards to Zarqawi's death allows an electoral spark of hope amongst the DNC.

"It was looking pretty bad," said DNC Chairman, Howard Dean. "Now I'm starting to see our people with a little bounce in their step again. If this turns out to be true, Murtha and Kerry will decimate the GOP in the 2006 midterms, as their giant military presences will be felt. I insist they campaign in every battleground area now, just to prime the pumps."

h/t Allah

Related: Zarqawi Find Attributed To Obsessive-Compulsive San Franciscan

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