Michael Jackson To Celebrate At Chuck E. CheeseSanta Maria, Ca.—Acquitted of all ten charges ranging from the distribution of alcoholic substances to minors to child molestation, a relieved and quietly celebratory Michael Jackson headed to Chuck E. Cheese, entourage in tow.
A family spokesperson said that Jackson “was absolutely insistent on privacy, especially in the jumping-ball play set.”
“He just wants to be alone”said the spokesperson. “He’d just prefer to float freely through various tabled birthday parties, dispensing tokens and gyrating with the mechanical mouse ensemble.”
Single mothers with dubious parental skills are said to have flooded NeverLand ranch with overt requests to have their children occupy Jackson’s bed, “just as soon as the radiating glare of Tom Sneddon’s hatred is finally abated.”
UPDATE: Tenacious Juror #5 Credited With Convicting Snapping Fingers Despite Frivolous Molestation, Intoxicant Charges (warning: this will offend some, so be warned)