Monday, June 13, 2005

New Consolidated Anti-Virus Program Also Makes Viruses

Analysts agree that Microsoft's complementary
software is a significant gamble, but will most likely
pay big dividends, as outside virus creators will be
forced to find other kinds of damage to inflict.

New York--Hoping to shore up the virus/antivirus market, Microsoft will be introducing "amalgamation software" that simultaneously creates new viruses as it excoriates others.

And Bill Gates could not be happier.

"For years, I've studies the nature of matter and antimatter," he said. "Aleister Crowley's As Above, So Below bromide has been a major, driving influence on my thinking. Marry those ideals with the classic Yin and Yang with a hint of Feng Sui, and you've got the answer: antivirus software that creates, and then reverse engineers it's own malicious code."

Market analysts agree.

"We have before us again, the sheer brilliance that has put Mr. gates where he is now," said Peter Pedig, economics professor at Loyola Marymount University. "Consolidation is the key, and this epitomizes the concept right down to the threshing floor, where Joe Average deals with deleterious viruses everyday on his PC."

When asked what the implications the program could mean for peripheral commerce, Pedig prognosticates freely.

"I'll hedge two years that the Big Mac will come boxed with a disposable angioplasty kit," he said. "After that, it's anybody's guess--maybe heroin-flavored methadone."

Microsoft is expected to release the complementary product in July or August.

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