The Therapist

American Medical Journal Now Says Drinking Hydrochloric Acid Good For You

Report also touts the benefits of hemlock, paint fumes

New York-- The American Medical Journal published a report on Wednesday, stating that claims of "severe and caustic esophageal damage" by anti Hydrochloric acid groups are "highly overstated."

"There is a tendency in America to see the bad in things," said the article, entitled A Spoonful of Accelerant. "The rigid iconoclasm of the Food and Drug Administration sets a bad example for all of the good things to be had."

The report specifically takes to task the "misconceptions" so often associated with the vigorous swilling of corrosive chemicals--primarily the inability to swallow and digest one's own neck.

"First they told us eggs were good for you," said one observer. "Then they go off and say your arteries would congeal within ten feet of a chicken farm. Now they've got me believing that I won't be healthy unless I pump a daily syringe of adipose directly into my carotid artery. I just can't win. I'm not letting them spoil a cup of deleterious toxins because they want to be iconoclasts at the expense of my happiness."

Pro HCA groups agree.

"You've got the heavy machinations of the synthetic chemical industry really pushing a thumb on the roulette wheel," said one organic Hydrochloric Acid producer. "They're the ones who don't want this out, especially when they know that the report also supports the wanton sniffing of paint fumes, along with the imbibing of Hemlock to reduce pain. They can’t stand the competition."

posted by Doofus @ 12:01 AM