Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Court's Marijuana Ruling Could Have "Chilling Effect" On Media Watergate Nostalgia

Washington Post claiming 98% "internal Glaucoma pandemic"

While many would agree that high-grade marijuana is unneeded when searching for aesthetic similarities beween Bernstein and Hoffman, Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward says he needs to "have one burning strong" to bring out the latent, semitic traits in Robert Redford, in his movie portayal of him.

Washington--The landmark Supreme Court ruling against state medical marijuana use is already reverberating through the nation. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the American press pool.

Just when we are getting our heads on over this Deepthroat guy," said Former CBS news correspondent and aide to Lyndon Johnson, Bill Moyers. "Then this right-wing cabal has to go of and have the courts force me into involuntary nausea."

Moyers said reminiscing about Watergate "Just isn't the same" without the presence of "hardcore saturated chronic" in the circle of nostalgia.

"I think of it sort of like the Christian values communion," he said. "Except we get really, really high. Besides, it’s easier to envision Richard Nixon roasting over a stygian, eternal fire with the spit handle cranked by Alger Hiss when you’ve got the Gonga.”

The infamous duo of Woodward & Bernstein said they too, have “personal reasons” for needing medicinal marijuana.

“First of all, it makes trying to get Carl over to the house easier,” said Woodward. “We like to put on our plaid, long-sleeved shirts, sit down together at a desk, and look like the weight of the world is on our shoulders—you know the only pose anyone remembers from the movie?”

Woodward was referring to the 1976 movie, All The President’s men—based on the book by the same name.

Carl Bernstein added, “Bob’s right.”

Bob Woodward also admits that the presence of marijuana also make Robert Redford look Jewish.

When I’ve got one burning at the typewriter, I can see why the casting decision was made to put him in my stead.” He said. “It’s also very important that this movie be kept in its proper, historical context. And since marijuana was the veritable prism through which my generation viewed everything, there needs to be some legal reprieve for, at the very least Washington Post reporters to acquire pot. The Watergate legacy cannot survive baby-boomer sobriety.”

lawyers for the Washington Post filed a brief with the Court this morning, stating that 98% of the relevant staff at time-honored journal is afflicted with Glaucoma.

There is no word on when a ruling could be handed down for such exclusions.

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