Saturday, June 25, 2005

Iranians Elect Muslim President In Startling Upset

"We could not have predicted this," say analysts

President-elect Ahmadinejad leaves the polling place with his
bodyguards, but not without physically auguring the amputations
to come under his administration.

Tehran--Shaking even the greatest political prognosticators to the core, the Iranian people handily delivered the presidential office to a Muslim in a stunning landslide victory.

"The reverberations from this will be felt for a long time," said one observer. "The adjustment to shock ratios are alone worth the observational energy."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad defeated his rival, Ayatollah Hashemi Rafsanjani with a margin of 62.2% to 35.3 %. Though Ahmadinejad's governing style is reputed to stem from restrictive tenets of the 1979 Islamic Revolution, many believe the Iranian people operated under a combination of status quo lethargy and the fact that Ahmadinejad's name is less laborious to spell on an execution notice.

“Quite frankly, you tend to go with what you know” said one observer. If you’re going to have to watch your children be buried alive by presidential henchmen, the last thing you want to contend with is a phonetic conundrum out in the killing fields. And a middle name alone can become a millstone about one's neck.”

The little known Ahmadinejad is reputed to be a man of solid faith—so much so that many believe a substantial part of his votes came from a desire to see Iranian values exported to places previously untouched by the philanthropic hand of Islam—such as Semitic day-care centers and Kosher delicatessens. Most see Ahmadinejad as a man who wears that faith on his sleeve.

“He also wears about four pounds of faith on his vest.” Said one analyst. “One admirable thing about him is the possibility that he’s liable to spread his faith at anytime—in almost explosive terms. He has in times past, expressed a sincere burden to reach out to the Jews, and that vest of his can really come in handy.”

Who Links Here