Thursday, May 05, 2005

ABC SHOCKER: Paula Abdul's Massive Influence Put Idol Contestant Into 10th Place

Sexual affair with judge may have somehow obscured violent rap sheet from authorities

Critics of FOX claim that Corey Clark's alleged affair with
marginally-talented singer Paula Abdul, may have covered his violent
rap sheet from authorities, thus robbing another unknown singer from
the coveted 10th place postion

Los Angeles--The ABC News special, PrimeTime Live, is reporting information that could knock the FOX television favorite off its sizeable pedestal.

Corey Clark, a former contestant on the star-making program, contended that Abdul’s personal ministrations are what allowed him to sail to “unimaginable heights of mediocrity,” and that her “further personal attentions” are what made it possible for an ordinary young man from Anywhere, USA to reach 10th place in the competition.

FOX claims Clark is a liar and opportunist, and Abdul denies the allegations.

Political news analysts from around the nation believe that, despite the questionable veracity of the allegations, the situation at large still does not bode well for FOX.

“What we have here, is the makings of the undoing of a network,” said one analyst. “Public perception is everything. This is not some benign act, like hacking out a .pdf document harmful to the Bush camp. This is a 42–year old choreographer bedding down with a 22-year old singer, thus robbing an unknown musical soldier of their slightly-augmented rightful slot in utterly forgettable obscurity.”

Outraged fans of those dismissed earlier than Clark said that they were “ready to go to war” over the 10th place allotment, and have symbolically erected a “Tomb of the Unknown 9th Runner-Up.”

“This is serious business,” said one. “We kneed closure, and we need to know who really belonged in that unimaginably obscure and unfruitful 10th position. We will not stop until the cacophonous, non-diatonic screams of the real loser are heard.”

Clark was ultimately kicked off the show, when his rap sheet, including battery charges and resisting arrest came to the surface. Critics of FOX say that sex with Paula Abdul may have clouded the judgment of the independent office that investigates contestants.

“Had he been kicked out at stratification 32, it wouldn’t be an issue,” said one. “But he had to go off and sleep with Paula. “Doesn’t he realize she gives out the same complimentary barrage to every single singer on the show? What a waste of energy, especially when your past is going to take you out anyway.”

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