Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Paris Hilton To Introduce Name Brand Line Of Mattress/Backpack Hybrids

Says new prototype “cotton technology” key to success

Paris Hilton(left) discusses her protoype invention(right) with MTV. The heiress is hoping that the obvious portability of slutty consummation venues will "take right off"

New York--Keeping in line with her ever-growing list of public roles, Hotel heiress, Paris Hilton is adding one more item to her already voluminous signature product series: a new backpack-mattress hybrid.

"I'm like an American princess," said Hilton. "Except that I've slept with most of the country. This new product shows the delicate balance between jet-setting billionairess and flagrant whore that I've been looking for."

When asked why she ended her quote with a preposition, Hilton bristles. "Duh," she said. "How do you think anybody gets a date with me?"

Hilton also says her new signature product will include the latest, state-of-the art materials.

“We have this, like cotton. I read this really neat ad in Cosmo, where I think they said that cotton would like, take over the textile industry. I told my design team, get that stuff no matter what is costs.”

Hilton also said that she has “personally commissioned” a new industrial line of “super machines,” that mechanically sew thread through material at “fast rates of speed”

Hilton's Edge: The mystical device
that will allow for the mass proliferation
of her dream.

“It’s way faster than hand-sewing,” she said. “I can’t wait for this technology to get out there.”

As far as the actual product, Hilton admits that combining the rigorous schedule of travel with wanton, sexual peccadilloes into a single product can be a bit risky from a marketing standpoint.

“Maybe it’s just me,” she said, laughing. “Maybe I marketed it for me and my friends.”

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