Monday, February 21, 2005

Southern California No Longer Mocking Homeland Security Ductape Directive

The democratic owners of these properties are
no longer laughing at Tom Ridge's directive
to stock up on duct tape.

Los Angeles--Southern California, home of some of President Bush's fiercest critics, has reconsidered their initial mockery of the "Duct Tape Directive" set out by former Homeland Security director, Tom Ridge.

"The original intent was the event of a systematic shutdown of commerce in the wake of a terrorist attack," said Ridge. "But Californians react to rain in the same way they would if a car-bomb preempted the Oscars by a half an hour."

Those who have homes precariously balance on already tenuous real estate, have literally evaporated all supplies of tarp and ductape. Initial reports show that Democrats are quick to abandon their cynicism and tarp off their hillside properties to stop saturation, and eventual collapse.

Sadly, partisan politics ruled the day,
in the case of these southern California

"Tom Ridge was right," said one democrat whose house is set to collapse and demolish a mobile home park 300 feet below. "Duct tape may be the key to those cretins not being able to loot my stuff when it comes lilting down to their dump. I'd just as soon avoid having to confront them altogether."

Stories of duct tape gouging abound, but with little or no corroboration at this time.

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