Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Report: Landslides Could Turn California Into Red State

Los Angeles--Experts from NOAA, The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, are claiming that nearly unprecedented rainfall in southern California could tip the balance in the favor of the Republican party in 2008.

This computer-generated projection shows the potential
electoral shift possible, should the southern California
onslaught continue. The Rev. Jesse Jackson has called for an
investigation into the Republican Party's weather control

"A sudden, cataclysmic break off of all the real estate below Santa Barbara county will knock out the only three counties in southern California carried by John Kerry in the 2004 elections," said a senior NOAA official. "The Democrats don't have a prayer until Monterey County, on up into San Francisco. Hopefully the erosive nature of this disaster has latent, electoral sympathies."

Experts indicate that Las Vegas would possibly be the next rendezvous for those with leftward passions, in an ad hoc coastal region to be potentially deemed "The Gulf of Nevada."

Others have intimated that Republican strategist, Karl Rove, could have tapped into the previously-occultic weather control techniques--the stuff of legend.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson said on Tuesday that Rove is "well schooled in the manipulation of orographic precipitation", and that "big meteorology" was to blame for leaking sensitive information to the uninitiated. Jackson led an energetic crowd of protesters against the weather, complete with signs reading "Karl Rove Done Give Us, Some Cumulonimbus."

Seismic experts indicate that a "Perfect Storm" scenario for the Republicans would include unilateral control over the San Andreas fault line, plummeting the San Francisco area into subterranean territory. NOAA officials agree.

"That would be a landslide of an entirely different kind," they said.

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