Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Bush Speechwriters Redact Fainting Section From State Of Union Address

Washington-- Speechwriters for President Bush have made a last-minute change to Wednesday night's State of the Union Address. The speech will now be delivered without a margin directive to faint approximately halfway through the text.

"Somehow, someone leaked a copy of the directive, and gave it to Hillary Clinton," said one White House staffer. "And she looked like Old Yeller headed behind the barn. We will never match that kind of Oscar-caliber disorientation."

Staffers also claim that the proximity of time between the two faints would "severely lessen the credibility of the President's faint."

Thus all references to fainting have been removed, forcing media outlets to grapple with the unexpected wildcard of content, facts and figures--along with empirical evidence that the Iraqi elections were astonishingly successful.

A major network insider put it this way: "We are practically paralyzed, Hillary faints and all we had to do was cover that. The President is again demonstrating his pure contempt for the process by forcing us to focus on his successes"

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