Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Michael Moore Hopes Next U.S. Catastrophe Provides Catchy Film Title

Seeks to eventually displace 100% of public school curriculum.

American Documentarian Michael Moore is counting on terrorists to make fastidious selections as to when and where they dish out the carnage.

Fresh from his two most recent cinematic successes, Bowling for columbine, and Fahrenheit 9/11, the enigmatic Moore realizes that, unless careful attention to detail is maintained, that his finely-tuned parasitic largesse will be an opportunity missed.

"The last thing we want is a bomb going off in Couer d'Alene, Idaho," he said. "There is neither an extant game show nor a futuristic novel that has the kind of lingering, parallel title we need for me to make money."

Moore says he would prefer massive, genocidal bloodshed in a place like St. Paul, Minnesota for example, as immediate, apostolic allusions to the Bible would serve the dual-edged function of indicting the religious right, while subsequently blaming America for the catastrophic circumstances.

"That would be an early Christmas gift." he said. "But being naturally pessimistic, I lay my Murphy's Law cynicism right at the door of a suitcase nuke in Plano, Texas. Try to hammer good copy out of that."

On the whole, Moore is optimistically cautious. While Fahrenheit 9/11 was overlooked for an Oscar, Moore is willing to settle for the subordinate role of taking over all school curriculum in America.

"I've made one movie that says guns are bad when used by Americans to kill Americans, and one that says that planes are good when used by Arabs to kill Americans," he said. " Who can disagree with that? Nobody I know," he said.

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