Monday, January 31, 2005

Gore Seeking Veterinary Help For "Blog-Tourette's"

Internet creator involuntarily scratching self while quoting Michelle Malkin, Instapundit.

Al Gore, his incendiary tirades
against his own cyberspace are impeded
by neither the symptoms, nor the draconian
veterinary treaments undertaken to bring them
under control

Al Gore, former Vice President whose internet has literally revolutionized the entire world, is suffering at the hands of his own brain-child.

Aides close to Mr. Gore confirm that he "now regrets inventing the very implement that would help derail the entire democratic party." Mr. Gore is said to manifest "severe" symptoms of what has been hastily deemed "Blog-Tourette's"--most notably the same kind of involuntary scratching against furniture corners commencorate with mange, and has thus been seeking help from veterinary professionals ever since.

"We can treat the symptoms," said Dr. Stephen Dermis. "But it is just that--the archetypical protective lampshade and a pile of Benadryl."

The vets are concerned about Mr. Gore's tendency to repeatedly quote high-visibility blogs like
Michelle Malkin, Instapundit, and Beautiful Atrocities. "This is a problem outside the perview of medical amelioration," Dermis said. "Mr. Gore will never have a full remission of the problem, until the blogosphere is "tempered with the white-hot coals of fairness."

Mr. Gore has not suspended his touring schedule, despite the prohibitive nature of the protective shield he is medically bound to wear.

"He's a real trooper," said Dermis. "And I believe he will continue to plod along passionately, until this electronic Frankenstein of his is laid to rest. Even if he has to wear socks on his hands for the rest of his life."

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