Monday, February 28, 2005

University Of Colorado To Grant Ward Churchill Pilot's License

Compares Saddam Hussein to Anne Frank

Churchill: Doctrines such as
"United States Off The Planet"
expected to resonate with most Americans

Denver--Fellow faculty members of the University of Colorado came out in defense of UC professor Ward Churchill, who has applauded the attacks of September 11th and referred to the victims as "little Eichmanns," and are slated to award him an honorary pilot's license.

The license will be permissible on any commercial airliner in a metropolitan area.

"The Eichmann thing put chills down my spine," said one faculty member and supporter of Churchill. “The repeated standing ovations he recieved for praising the deaths of over 3,000 innocent people highlights the uncanny courage rarely found in academia. That’s why we would like to encourage him to fly jets. He himself has said that more attacks are needed.”

The New Face Of Terrorism:
Churchill's sometimes-provocative
comparison's have earned him many
accolades. UC faculty awarded him a pilot's license
after drawing a stunning comparison between Anne Frank
and Saddam Hussein

Churchill claims that the attacks of September 11th were to highlight the blight of capitalism.

Others say that Churchill’s magnum opus is his new Saddam/Anne Frank analogy.

“That was the coup de grace needed before we came to consensus. The metaphorical connections between Anne Frank’s terror-laden attic experience with Saddam’s rat-hole—spectacular!”

Churchill is weighing supporting a car bomb at an NBA championship to combat slavery; strafing a preschool with gunfire to bring into relief child-neglect, and clubbing retarded babies with hickory wood to “balance out the top heavy karma of the Harp seal industry.”

Churchill is expected to receive ovations from the political left indefinitely, under the auspices of a “1st Amendment Troubadour,” with the Democratic National Committee planning to stand on their desks in a fashion reminiscent of the Dead Poet’s Society, when Churchill’s schedule allows for him to address them in person.

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