Thursday, February 24, 2005

PETA Outraged By Experimental Seeing-Eye Dolphin

Call for removal of Terry Schiavo's feeding tube

Peta is currently protesting the exploitation of
the "smartest animal on the planet." The sticking
point between factions appears to be the overt
claims of "disposability."

New York--The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are reacting passionately to the corporate introduction of a protoype, seeing-eye dolphin program.

Tentatively titled "Maritime Maculars," the program has taken an immediate controversial posture, as the dolphins employed are advertised as "disposable."

"In this hustle and bustle world, it has to be that way," said MM CEO, A.Paul Ing. "Dolphins are reputed to be the smartest living animals outside the human race. Disposability is the on way to make an apparent win/win out of the fact that the dolphins can only exist a short time out of the water before a new one must be procured."

The dolphins have been trained to identify and thus avoid hazards, answer the door, and engage in the general duties ascribed to seeing-eye dogs--except that these are dolphins.

PETA spokesperson, Phil Ovit, said that the sheer exploitation of one of "nature's greatest sentient creatures betrays the dark side of capitalism."

Ovit was speaking to The Therapist on the phone from Pinellas Park, Florida, from where he is rallying to have Terry Schiavo's feeding tube removed.

"To deprive a dolphin of water--unthinkable," he said. "Now we're fighting on two fronts, as we have this situation with the dolphins, and we have Governor Jeb Bush trying to impose life on a human being. Awful."

Ing claims that the relatively short life of a dehydrating dolphin that helps the blind achieve quality of life is morally superior to the "chance" that the dolphins "could be ladled up by the tuna Industry."

"That's the kind of gastrointestinal ignominy I wouldn't wish on anybody," he said.

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