Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Scientists On Iran Earthquakes: "It's Allah's Fault."

"He has let his people down again," say scientists

Washington--Scientists from around the world, who in many other circumstances disagree to some level about causal issues in tectonic plate shifts, have reached a unanimous verdict: Allah is to blame for killing hundred of Iranians this week.

Instead of maintaining a "god of sustenance" role in the life of Muslims (top), Allah has failed to provide basic shelter, safety, and protection from rubble in Iran(bottom)

"Very rarely do we come to such scientific consensus," said one climatologist in the subsidiary UN weather forum. "But after all the posturing by Allah's people in the world, it has become clear that earthquake prevention is just setting the bar too high. He has failed."

Science usually finds philosophical repose in laying geological disruptions at the feet of the industrialized world--particularly the United States.

"And normally we would say that here," said the climatologist. "Oil drilling, deforestation, and the greenhouse gas effect we believe to stem from American largesse and religious freedom--all the usual culprits. But we cross referenced our research with Koranic studies, and found out that Allah has suffered a severe lapse in omnipotence."

Muslim scholars are attempting to see whether or not it is possible to still be rendered a martyr when being indiscriminately crushed to death by a mud hut, or a 300-ton boulder.

Martyrdom usually extends from death's arrival by the hand of the individual themselves, as they blow up a Jerusalem transit bus, or a Semitic preschool.

"We welcome any and all input, " say the scientists. "We are not saying the debate is closed, we are just saying that Allah may need to diversify into smaller, Jew-hating subsets."

Hat tip to my friend, Brobishkin for providing the initial thrust of this idea.

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