Monday, January 24, 2005

Amish Crime Statistics Show Dramatic Rise In Smitings, Photography

Amish communities around the country are conceding that outside, secular culture may be infiltrating an erstwhile cloistered, religious sect.

24 year old Amos Moses, and his wife, Rachel
Moses has not given in to the youthful trend
to hide a camera in his trousers, or smite people
with an open hand

"One can barely take their buggy into the municipality without encountering a smiting," said 24 year-old Amos Moses, his haggard features belying any aesthetic clues to his youth. "but the photography and the graven plate is that which doth place the soul at perdition's door."

Moses is referring to the Amish doctrinal platform to eschew photographic implements. In recent years, the combined portability and diminutive scale of modern cameras make them logistically possible to hide in the girded loin. Amish youth have been quick to seize on these technological gains.

Cutting-edge reductions in the sheer girth of modern photographic equipment
have contributed to precipitous spiritual declines in Amish youth. This 1939 RB Series D Graflex is easily concealed, with little or no impairment at either the plow, or barn-raisings, which allow one to "get lost among the other hats."

The previously-mentioned smiting issues are simply an augmentation of a crime that has always been present--in limited form--in Amish communities. "Men have always had ought against their brother at indecorous times," Moses said. "but this indiscriminate, smiting-without ought is like a tapeworm."."

Statistics show that the more liberal,"blue" Amish communities are now confronting a previously uncharted specter--the drive-by admonition.

"I just hope it stays . . .over there" he said. "Maybe they can take pictures of their declining morals while they're at it."

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